Support with Bereavement

Key points of support with bereavement

Understanding grief

Grief is a natural response to losing someone important. It is a complex process that can affect people emotionally, physically and mentally. While everyone experiences grief differently, there are some common feelings and reactions that many bereaved people share.

Common experiences of grief can include:

In the beginning, there is often denial. An individual may be unable to somehow integrate the loss into life. In the second phase, strong emotions break through, often contradicting each other. It may be that anger sprouts up against the deceased, or past injuries all come back into thought. In the next moment, you feel deep anxiety and feel the connection, but realise this connection no longer exists in its original form.

There are many coping strategies that can help with grief. Some people find comfort in creating small routines, such as lighting a candle or visiting a loved one’s grave. Others find solace in sports or exercise, which can help relieve tension and boost energy levels. Keeping a diary, organising daily tasks, and taking small steps can also be beneficial. All these actions can be on their own or collectively be a form of support with bereavement.

According to many professional websites, grief needs space; the ways to create space are very different. Small routines, such as the picture of the deceased on the window sill, lighting a candle, and the walk to the grave, can all be important. Others listen to certain music, write a diary, and have special days out.

rts and exercise also help to relieve tension and feel vitality again; when you feel out of balance. You may feel you need a distraction, but also time to grieve. Crying is also good; it can provide support with bereavement as it purges many emotions and helps you make a clear connection between your pain and thinking straight.

It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people may experience intense emotions immediately after a loss, while others may take longer to process what has happened. Grief affects everyone differently, and each person’s journey is unique.

The different stages of grief

Many people have heard of the different stages of grief. While grief does not always follow a fixed pattern, understanding these stages can help explain some of the emotions that bereaved people experience.

In the early stages of grief, there is often a period of shock or denial. A person may struggle to accept the reality of the loss and find it difficult to adjust to life without their loved one.

As grief develops, strong emotions can emerge. Feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, fear and anxiety may occur, sometimes changing rapidly from one moment to the next. Past memories and unresolved issues may also come to the surface.

Over time, many people begin to find ways to adapt to their loss. Rather than completely letting go of the person who has died, many bereaved people maintain a connection through memories, traditions, photographs, or personal rituals.

Older models of the mourning phases stated that the task of the bereaved was to detach themselves from the deceased in order to progress on. Today we know that this contradicts the experience of most mourners. Most have a need to maintain a connection to the deceased in a different form.

In the later stages of grief, individuals often begin rebuilding their relationship with the world around them and finding a way to move forward. However, grief is rarely a straight line. Feelings of loss can return unexpectedly, even years later.

There is no set timetable for healing, and no two people will experience grief in exactly the same way.

Coping with grief and bereavement

Understanding grief is often the first step towards coping with it. Many professional bereavement organisations emphasise the importance of giving grief space rather than trying to suppress it.

Different coping strategies work for different people. Some find comfort in creating small routines, such as lighting a candle, keeping a photograph nearby, visiting a loved one’s grave, or setting aside time for reflection.

Others may benefit from writing in a diary, listening to meaningful music, spending time in nature, or taking part in activities that help them feel connected to family and friends.

Physical activity can also be beneficial. Walking, exercise and sport may help reduce stress, improve wellbeing and restore a sense of balance during difficult times.

Many people feel they need a mixture of distraction and time to grieve. Crying, talking about memories and acknowledging difficult emotions can all be healthy parts of the grieving process.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Grief takes time, and there is no single approach that works for everyone.

Bereavement support groups

Bereavement support groups provide a safe and supportive environment where people who have experienced a loss can share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with others who understand what they are going through.

These groups can offer:

Many people find comfort in speaking with others who have experienced a similar loss. Support groups can help reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation during bereavement.

If you are struggling with grief, it is important to seek help. Grief can sometimes contribute to depression, anxiety and other emotional difficulties, and professional support may be beneficial.

Bereavement counsellors, charities and support organisations can provide guidance and coping strategies to help you manage your loss and move forward at your own pace.

Professional support with bereavement

There are many forms of professional bereavement support available, including grief counselling, bereavement therapy, support groups, online services and local community organisations.

While grief is a natural response to loss, some people may find that their grief continues to significantly affect their daily life for a prolonged period. In these circumstances, professional support may be beneficial.

It is important to understand that grief is not the same as depression. Grief is usually characterised by strong emotions connected to the loss of a loved one, whereas depression can involve a persistent low mood, loss of interest in daily activities and feelings of hopelessness.

Some signs that additional support may be needed include:

If you experience thoughts of self-harm or feel unable to cope, seek immediate support from a healthcare professional, NHS service or emergency support provider. Speaking with a trained professional can provide coping strategies and reassurance during difficult times.

It is also important to avoid making major life decisions while emotions are intense such as quitting your job, selling your home or breaking up with a partner, these can be made in haste, which can be destructive long term. Decisions such as these may be better considered once the initial period of grief has passed.

There are many different types of help with bereavement available, including online groups, local community groups, and more structured therapy groups.

Professional support should be sought if the grief exclusively determines everyday life for a very long time and restricts it very strongly. There are many types of diagnoses for “persistent grief disorder” in psychotherapy.

Mesothelioma support

Abestos.com who are USA leaders in Mesothelioma resources (cancer from asbestos) have created a free guide to help cope with bereavement.

The different bereavement support groups shown below are established organisations which are free to use.

For additional help the blog entitled Bereavement Counselling Support gives further guidance on support with bereavement.

Death doula services

A death doula can provide very valuable services for someone looking after a terminally ill person and likewise after the person has died. They provide emotional support to both the terminally ill person and their family. This care is not in the form of medical, but emotional, spiritual and physical support. They can also help out with day-to day tasks such as shopping, and providing respite for a carer is also another important service that they offer. Some doulas specialise in still born deaths.

There a small number of doulas on the NHS but the majority is a paying service. The following two links can provide details of how to contact a doula near to where you live and also answer more questions you may have.

End of Life Doula

International End-of-Life Doula Association

National End-of-Life Doula Alliance

The Good Grief Trust

The Good Grief Trust is the UK’s leading bereavement network, signposting to 1000+ charities and bereavement services under one umbrella.

Run by the bereaved for the bereaved, the charity exists to ensure no-one is alone in their grief, and they can find the right help from day one, for any bereavement, wherever they live.

Visit The Good Grief Trust

hello@thegoodgrieftrust.org

Marie Curie

89 Albert Embankment
London. SE1 7TP
Freephone: 0800 090 2309

Marie Curie is the UK’s leading end of life charity. We provide frontline nursing and hospice care, a free support line and a wealth of information and support on all aspects of dying, death and bereavement.

Our leading research pushes the boundaries of what we know about good end of life, and our campaigns fight for a world where everyone gets to have the best experience possible at the end of their lives.

Visit Marie Curie

Down to Earth

17 Old Ford Road
Bethnal Green
London
E2 9PJ
Telephone: 020 8983 5055

Down to Earth is a UK-wide helpline run by the independent charity Quaker Social Action. They offer free, confidential advice to anyone struggling with funeral costs where the funeral has not already taken place.

They support people to reduce costs, identify ways to raise money, and get the right government support.

Visit Down to Earth

Mesothelioma Hope

1330 Boylston Street
Suite 400
Chestnut Hill
MA 02467
USA
Tel: 001 855 722 2974

Mesothelioma Hope is an American based organisation that provides in-depth specialist help and advice on this rare fatal cancer. Caused from asbestos, this cancer forms in the lungs (Pleural Mesothelioma) or abdomen (Peritoneal Mesothelioma). They also offer advice on all different treatments and drugs for this cancer.

Visit Mesothelioma Hope

Sands

10-18 Union Street
London
SE1 1SZ
Freephone: 0808 164 3332

Sands are the leading stillbirth and neonatal charity in the UK.

They provide national support for bereaved people suffering from the loss of a baby via its helpline which is freephone, mobile app, online community and through around a 100 regional support groups.

Visit Sands

helpline@sands.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Support

Cruse Bereavement Support provides a helpful service, offering advice and empathy for those finding it difficult to deal with grief. Grief can often be long-suffering, and it is important to remember that grief can affect a person’s physical and mental health. Many people suffering are often not aware of the changes in their well-being that grief can cause.

Visit Cruse

Samaritans

Freepost
SAMARITANS LETTERS

Anyone can contact Samaritans FREE any time from any phone on 116 123, even a mobile without credit. This number won’t show up on your phone bill.

Website

jo@samaritans.org

For further helpful information covering different aspects of funerals from poems, flowers, bereavement gift ideas, what to wear at a funeral, low-cost headstones and much more, visit the Save Funeral Costs™ blog.